Marriage, Love, and Divorce

The most challenging relationships in our lives come bearing astounding knowledge.  Relationships are vessels for our growth.  Many people will come into our lives – best friends, family, spouses; each one providing a landscape of joy and laughter mixed with comfort and sorrow.  However, what is to be said of the negative and the “toxic” relationships that we may find ourselves enmeshed in?  Is it not of vital importance to live a life of personal happiness and fulfillment? 

The relationship of focus here is that of divorce.  It is quite saddening to report that the ratio of the divorce rate today ranks half of the marriages that take place in just one year.  Fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce, second marriages fail at a sixty percentage rate and third marriages end in divorce at a seventy percent rate.  These numbers are indeed staggering.  Yet, if one finds they are disconnected in their marriage, would it not be wiser and more courageous to consider divorce?

Such contemplation tends to surface at tumultuous and arduous times as people who are in this stage of life may find themselves faced with total self-reflection and a heightened awareness that may never have been reached before in their life.  It is a “process” for which breeds the execution of particular steps.  One of the most important of these steps is to look inward – to take a very deep and honest, hard look within yourself.

In doing this “inward reflection” you may come face to face with things you may dislike or perhaps had forgotten.  You might see that all is not your fault, though you may have had a hand in leading yourself down this path… It is important to remember that a marriage is a union of two people in love forging a new family together.  If by chance, somewhere along the way, one of the two spouses have disconnected from the marriage, as gut-wrenching as it may be, the healthiest and by far, most courageous decision would be divorce.  Divorce is not a failure, just a lessoned learned.

Taking that first step can be quite daunting.  The fear of being single again may seem scary but a healthier perspective is to view divorce as being “re-singled”.  Being “re-singled” is an opportunity for reinvention and rebirth.  Remind yourself that it takes much more courage than one realizes to walk away from a bad marriage than it does to stay.  Knowing that you have done the best thing for you and your children is an important factor in the healing process. 

Be kind to yourself as well as forgiving for your part in the marriage not working.   Be kind toward your ex and thank him/her for the many gifts you had received over the years together, such as your children - for your children are a bond that will forever keep you in each other’s lives.  Loving yourself first and foremost is vital.  Living a life comprised of honesty, integrity and love empower you to be healthier and happier from within.  Don’t forget to count your blessings each day.   

 “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”-Alfred Lord Tennyson.